Two boys are dead. Henry Nowak, stabbed five times, handcuffed while dying, told “No mate, I don’t think so” as he said “I can’t breathe” for the ninth time. Austin Metcalf, stabbed in the heart at a high school track meet for pushing a boy who refused to leave his team’s tent.

The killers are in prison. The officers who handcuffed a dying boy are still on duty. The system continues exactly as before.

So maybe it is time for new rules.

Not the old rules. Not the rules that protect the guilty and ignore the victim. New rules. For a new world.

New Rule One: The Christian Right to Bear Bigger Weapons

The Bible says blessed are the peacemakers. It also says if someone strikes you, turn the other cheek. But the Bible was written in a time when the worst weapon your enemy could carry was a sword.

Today, your enemy carries a knife. A Pesh-Kabz. A ceremonial blade that he will use to stab you five times while his mother hides the weapon. And the government permits him to carry it — because it is his religion.

So here is the new rule: if our enemy carries a knife for his religion, we must be allowed to carry a gun for ours. If they carry a gun for their faith, we carry a rifle for ours. If they carry a rifle, we bring a missile. And if they bring a missile, we call down fire from heaven itself.

Because if the government validates one religion’s right to bear blades, it must validate another religion’s right to bear what is necessary for protection. Equal protection under the law — or equal disregard. You cannot have it both ways.

Why? Because the Lord helps those who help themselves. Because a good shepherd protects his flock with more than kind words. Because if the police will handcuff you while you bleed, the only person who can save you is you.

By this logic, the ultimate Christian duty is to own a weapon so powerful that no enemy would dare attack. Then, and only then, can we all pray in peace.

Is this ridiculous? Yes. But no more ridiculous than handcuffing a dying boy and telling him he is not really stabbed. No more ridiculous than the government letting one religion carry blades while another is told to turn the other cheek.

New Rule Two: The Father’s Sentence

Here is the second new rule:

If a murderer kills your child, you should decide the sentence.

Not a judge. Not a jury. Not a parole board after 17 years. You. The father. The mother. The family who will never see their child graduate, marry, or grow old.

You want life in prison for the killer? Done.

You want the death penalty? Carried out within 30 days.

You want to do to the killer exactly what he did to your child? Stand in front of him and deliver justice yourself?

That should be your right.

Austin Metcalf’s father watched his son get stabbed in the heart at a high school track meet. Henry Nowak’s father watched video of his son handcuffed and ignored while he bled to death on the street. They will carry that pain for the rest of their lives.

The killer? He sits in a cell. He reads books. He gets three meals a day. He works out in the yard. He has sex in the showers. He watches television. He gets three hots and a cot, all paid for by the taxpayers whose children he murdered.

That is not justice. That is a mockery of justice.

Prison should not be a vacation. If the family chooses prison over death, then prison must be real work, every day, from sunrise to sunset.

• Farming: Every prisoner works the land. They grow food that feeds American families. They harvest crops, tend livestock, repair fences, and maintain agricultural infrastructure. No machines — manual labor. The sweat of their brow pays their debt.
• Manufacturing: They produce goods — furniture, clothing, tools, building materials — that are sold to fund victims’ compensation programs. Every hour they work is an hour they pay back what they took.
• Infrastructure: They build and repair roads, bridges, dams, and public buildings. They clean highways, parks, and public lands. Their labor benefits the communities they harmed.

No more sitting. No more television. No more weights in the yard. No more conjugal visits. No more prison gangs running drugs and organizing crime from inside. Real work. Real discipline. Real retribution.

If they refuse to work? One warning. Two warnings. Third refusal — the family is called back to decide: prison with work, or death carried out within 30 days. The choice is theirs. The choice should always be theirs.

The new rule is simple: if you take a life, the person who loses the most from that death gets to decide what happens to you. Not the state. Not a judge. Not a parole board. The victim’s family.

And if the father wants to swing the sword himself? That is between him and God.

New Rule Three: Complete Wealth Removal for Thieves

A billionaire commits fraud. He steals millions from taxpayers. He is fined a fraction of what he stole. He serves no prison time. Or if he does, it is in a minimum-security facility that looks more like a golf resort than a prison.

A politician takes bribes. He votes on laws that benefit his donors. He is investigated, but nothing happens. He retires with a full pension.

A banker crashes the economy. He is bailed out. He keeps his bonus.

New rule: if you steal from the people, the people take everything from you.

Not a fine. Not a slap on the wrist. Complete wealth removal. Every penny. Every asset. Every property. Every retirement account. Every dollar hidden in offshore accounts. Every gift you gave to your children. Every luxury your family enjoyed with stolen money.

Your wife’s jewelry? Gone. Your children’s trust fund? Gone. Your vacation home? Gone. Your retirement? Gone.

You stole from the people. Now the people take it all back.

And then you go to prison. Not a white-collar prison with tennis courts. A real prison. With real work. You will spend every day laboring to pay back what you stole. If you refuse to work, you stay in prison until you do. If you never work, you never leave.

Sorry for your family. You should have thought of them before you stole.

The Old Rules Are Not Working

The old rules gave us:

• A dying boy handcuffed while his killer was believed.
• A murderer eligible for parole while his victim is in the ground.
• A billionaire who steals millions and keeps his house.
• A politician who takes bribes and keeps his pension.

The old rules are not working. The old rules protect the guilty, ignore the victim, and reward the thief.

Maybe it is time for new rules.

A Note on Satire

This article is satirical in its framing, but serious in its intent.

The idea that Christians should simply turn the other cheek while their children are being stabbed is not working. The idea that the state should decide the fate of a murderer while the victim’s family has no say is not working. The idea that wealthy thieves should be fined a fraction of what they stole while poor thieves go to prison for decades is not working.

The old rules were written by the powerful, for the powerful. They were designed to protect the system, not the people.

Maybe it is time to write new rules.

Rules that protect the innocent. Rules that punish the guilty. Rules that do not care how much money you have or who your parents know.

A new world deserves new rules.

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